1 post from August 2008

Im blogging to ask for everyones help.

Took me a few hours to get my bum in gear today - didnt sleep last night so very tired.  I decided to start creating my study today and get the majority of the hard work done - ive been in there nearly four hours swapping all the stuff from bedroom to bedroom.  Its a bloody mess but its getting there!!

A couple of days ago, I had a phone call of my mum to say my grandad had gone into hospital after having a fall, he had hurt his arm, but not to worry as it wasnt too serious.  Had another call to say he was in the high dependancy unit, which I was a bit confused at if it wasnt so serious....

Just had another phone call to say that it was.  When he fell, he knocked himself unconscious and was laid on his arm for 12 hours.  Nasty, but it got worse.  Apparently the damage to his arm is so bad, they are going to have to amputate.  Theyve already taken all the tissue and muscle out of his arm, so he more or less just has a bone in skin now.  That upset me alot, but then I got told theyre not even sure if he will come around after the operation.  He is about 75 so I understand that anythings risky at that age, but how awful to have to sit for almost two days thinking...my grandad might die on Thursday.

Now being brought up a Catholic (it doesnt matter that I started following my own belief system for twelve years), there are some aspects that you are stuck with for life.  The biggest is guilt.  Catholicism is great for the guilt, and I am suffering hugely now.  I havent seen my grandad properly for 2 years.  I love him, but he is a pain in my ass.  Since my gran (his wife) died,  he doesnt want any company - you go see him and after ten mins he doesnt want you there!  He can be quite rude and has commented several times about my weight too, so ive stopped going.  Ive felt guilty for years, but now its tenfold.

I dont know what im gonna do.  Im feeling it already, my heart is breaking.  I dont know if im strong enough to loose someone again.  After loosing my gran and grandad one week after another, I was gutted.  I know its going to be a possibility that im going to loose my grandad on thursday, but it makes it no easier "preparing" for the fact, Its just as hard.

The title of my blog was need your prayers.  Id like anyone that is willing, to say a prayer or two for me, regardless of religion or beliefs. 

Love always